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Broccoli's always greener
begins at the Glacier with Zavok walking into a pole Zavok: Oh! Pardon me, young lady. glasses off to get a better look What a fox. over to Condiment Island, and puts a bottle of ketchup on his tray. Diablo is in the ketchup bottle Diablo: He ha he! Ooh! You're all mine sweet Kami. Ooh hoo ooh ah ha ha ha ha ha! goes off inside the ketchup bottle, and Diablo buckles himself Chaos: Initiating launch sequence. on a mask and unzips mouth zipper Kami, here we come! Zavok: ketchup bottle unsteadily Eh, eh... I hope I don't miss again. missed again, as Diablo goes flying across the Glacier Diablo: Reunited, and it's gonna feel so good!! eye zipper, realizes he's about to crash and screams as he darts into the walls in Blizzard's room Blizzard: Ooh, ooh, sweet wampum. Huh! Whazzat? hides next to his rock for protection Sauron, where are you? Shield me with your forehead! finally lands right next to the rock, and Blizzard picks him up So, it was a just another failed Kami theft attempt by my arch competitor, Diablo! For a second there, I mistook you for a threat. But you're just a dirty little man. flicks Diablo away So long, shrimp! actual shrimp who was exiting the Krusty Krab, turns around. Diablo is in mid-air Diablo: Curse you, Blizzaaaaaard!!! finally lands in the Inferno. He walks in sighing Vertigo: So, typical day of failure, I see, huh darling? Diablo: Oh, can it, Vertigo. Can't you see I'm exhausted? Why don't you go make yourself useful and synthesize me up some grub? Vertigo: Yes, your majesty. Hocux Pocux! meatloaf appears on the table that Diablo's sitting at Diablo: What do we got here? sarcastically Oh, goody. Holographic meatloaf again! When am I gonna get some real food? Blizzard gets to eat real food. Just look at his daughter, she's a big as a Pachycephalasaurus. I wish I could be successful like Blizzard. I wish I could somehow just switch lives with him. Just to know what it's like. Chaos: Then why don't you just use that "Switch-Lives-Just-To-Know-What-It's-Like-O-Mogrifier" spell Vertigo and Lily built last Tuesday? Diablo: What a brilliant idea! Your parents must have been like, part computer or something. sighs, Diablo sits down in front of Lily and Vertigo Diablo: Now, let's see. picture of a lion shows up on a card Lily is holding Diablo: No... no... no... a picture of a ape shows up Diablo: A-ha! buckles up Well, I hate to leave you, Chaos, but you know what they say... a rolling stone gathers no algae! Lily and Vertigo: (chanting) Ihou Wiuo Rok-Chok! So you wish to switch a life, don't forget to bring a knife! ("knife" echoes) appear out of Lily's hands and Vertigo's tail goes through a hole of space and time and screams stops to get a drink of soda Diablo: Ah. screaming Diablo wakes up at Blizzard's room Ugh... dear Neptune above, what happened last night? Huh, what's this? picks up a name plate reading Diablo Diablo? picks up a picture of Cam Who the Davey? looks out the windows and sees dinosaurs creating machinations I'm in the Glacier... which means the life switcher was a success! The Virtuous Beasts are mine! sees himself blue Corporate casual! Tadinsi: Kami! Cam wants you. Diablo: eyes turns into Kami At last! Kami: levitates to Cam Hey, Cam. Can I use my telekine... appears at the table Cam: Ahoy there, Diablo. Diablo: Er, um, hey there, uh Cam. Uh, Cam? Cam: Yes sir! Diablo: I'm gonna need to take Kami back to my room for um, brain inspection. Cam: I'm afraid you can't do that, Diablo! Diablo: Why- why not? Cam: Because I have to talk to her, dude! Diablo: You? I'll boil you in hot oil, and rip out your-- raises her finger to stop Diablo I mean uh, yes, of course, for the lovely... you. Talon: gives Diablo a wooden Kami But you can take this, dude. I made it in the off chance that you'd decide to instigate some brain inspection today, Diablo! Diablo: Uhh... yes, uh, very nice. Um, thanks. runs back to his office All mine, it's finally all mine! Kami, the ice, the notoriety! sees Sauron in his room Sauron, what do you want? Sauron: Well, it's just that it's Tuesday again, brother, and I was wondering if I could have my, um... weekly performance review! Diablo: Review? Sauron: Oh yes, please bro! Diablo: But I've never reviewed anything..., except those foreign exercise videos my cousin sent me. Sauron: Oh, please, bro! I want to make you so happy and proud! Diablo: Eh, you're doing fine, Sauron. Now would you please leave me to my work? Sauron: But bro! Diablo: I thought I sent you away, dude. Sauron: But bro, there must be something I need to improve on. Anything! Diablo: All right, the sauce. Sauron: gasps Wh-what? Diablo: The sauce. I dunno, you're using too much sauce, okay? Review's over. Sauron: face changes Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh... Diablo: What. Sauron: Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh... Diablo: What's the matter with you? All I said was "A little too much sauce." It's no big deal, really. Sauron: Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh... Diablo: What do you want from me, a promotion? Sauron: face changes back to normal A pro- a promo- a promotion?! Diablo: Sure bro, you're with Armadon now! Sauron: questionly Armadon! explodes. Diablo gets back to Kami Diablo: Glad that's over. Armadon: standing at the cash register reading a book, when he realizes that Sauron is standing right next to him Sauron, remember that little talk we had about 'personal space'? Sauron: It's okay, Armadonnie. I'm official, look! Armadon: points out his badge that says Co-Inventor Co-Inventor? is sitting at a table with Kami. Armadon walks into Diablo's office (calmly) You know you can't do that to me, Diablo. If you think I'm going to stand out there all day listening to... to Sauron, whose mouth splits in two Sauron: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah... back to Armadon Armadon: Then you must have coral wedged in your frontal lobe. Diablo: So what do you want? Armadon: I'd like my view to be a little less purple, if you know what I mean. Diablo: now the engineer, standing in front of the blueprints Hope you like light green. Sauron: Hey Armie, I can see you through this little window! Armadon: You know, I actually like seeing your face, Sauron. Diablo: lounges and sighs relaxedly. Diablo heads back to his room Now, no more intrusions! I'd like the begin writing the memoirs of my success story, so everyone just stay the-- Zoni: runs inside the Glacier. Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Daddy! is being bounced up and down Diablo: Just tell Daddy what you want! Of! He's very busy! Zoni: Could I please have a um... an advance on my allowance? Diablo: gives Zoni one dollar Go crazy. Zoni: One dollar? You hate me! begins to cry. Diablo has to dodge all of the tears. A tear ends up landing in his mouth, making him a circle Diablo: Ow! walks out and flattens him, getting all of the water out Sinjin: Diablo! Diablo: Me? Sinjin: You think this is funny? Diablo: In a cosmic sort of way, yes. Sinjin: Well, Mr. Funny Man, is this how you get your sick kicks? shows Diablo a machination Diablo: What? It's just an ordinary machina-- zooms in to show the machination made with gross-out items OH, MY GOODNESS!!! ARMADON!!! Sauron: appears at the table, next to Diablo I tried, bro. I really did. Diablo: What's the matter? Sauron: Zavok asked for a medium iced tea, and I gave him a large! I gave him a large! I've soiled the good Glacier name! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Diablo: Please stop. Stop that and return to your post! pushes his hand in Sauron's chest, in hopes that he'll stop Where's the off button on this thing? Zoni: walks up to Diablo Okay, Daddy, I've decided I'm gonna run away! Run away and find a new daddy! Sauron: Soiled it! Soiled it! Soiled it! Diablo: Make it stop! siren horn then goes off and then everything becomes silent What, did I say the secret word? Sauron: No dude, they're back. Diablo: Who's back? What? red, yellow and green flash by What was that? Kami: alarm sounds Man your stations! Red alert! Red alert! Take cover! Diablo: the people inside the Glacier scream, and run to take cover Take cover from what?!! Cam: up in the crow's nest searching for him They're around here somewhere. sees the flashes by once again There they go! Diablo: What? Who? Where? Somebody tell me. Tadinsi: Some say they crawled out from the lowest trench in the ocean. Kami: They're the saltiest of all the sea dogs. Cam: They're the most hated creatures in all the Urth. red flash then bursts out of the kitchen and we then see it is Blizzard holding a machination while swinging on a rope Blizzard: And they've finally got a machination! AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Diablo: BLIZZARD?! What the heck is going on here? Cam: It's your arch competitor, Blizzard. His goal in life is to freeze the Urth and kill us all! Diablo: That's terrible! Kevin: Yeah, but the worst part is... Diablo: lands behind him Holy crap, he's naked! part of Blizzard then glints Blizzard: up onto a board on a support beam above Clother me if you can, silly landlubbers! Diablo: I'm gonna make you eat those words, Blizzard! spins upsidedown, and turns into a place where a cannon is located No shoes, no shirt, no service! shoots all the clothes out of the cannon at Blizzard. All of them miss Blizzard: Ar, ar, ar, ar, ar! stops laughing, as he realizes a bra is on him Aw, ya got me! Well, at least it's underwire. Here's your stinkin' machination! throws the machination back to Diablo Diablo: the machination I don't understand. Is there a gas leak in here? Sauron: Knick-knack, the machination's back! You did it, bro. Victory screech! Diablo and all the customers start screeching Blizzard: Enjoy your victory screech, Diablo, because someday the machination formula will be mine! Diablo: You'll never get this formula, you twisted fiend! Blizzard: Oh, but I will. Even if I have to come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day... Chaos and Vertigo leaves the Glacier. Diablo starts sweating And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day... Armadon: hands Diablo a phone Phone call, dude. Blizzard: And the next day, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day... Diablo: I CAN'T FIGHT THAT LOOOOOOONNNGGGG!! off his clothes It's not worth it! It's just not worth it! Goodbye, everyone, I'll remember you all in therapy. Chaos: Welp, he's learned being Diablo's not all it's cracked up to be. Lily and Vertigo: (chanting) We chant, we chant to use this rhyme to send Diablo back to his original life until next time! ("time" echoes) ends up back in the Inferno. Holographic meatloaf is on the table Diablo: Holographic meatloaf? My favorite! starts eating it, and is happy again Category:Science Fiction